Job Searches

What do you do when you feel like your employment talents are all washed out?  I’ve worked upward of 35 years in various admin jobs.  In my own mind I like to think that I was fairly good at what I did.  I didn’t always like what I did and the older I get, the less I like working with people.  Having worked most of my career in South Africa where jobs are detailed, and you know what is expected of you.  You have protection as an employee and, for the most part, I’ve worked for companies that took care of me and rewarded me appropriately and recognized the extra miles I went for them.

In the USA things are different.  I’ve lived here for 17 years and I still don’t really understand the work ethic.  I find workers to be lazy and skive off and blame colleagues.  Remuneration, benefits and general treatment is poor, and competition is high. 

My previous job was odd, to say the least.  I was working for a non-profit organization that was run by people who’ve barely had any experience in the workplace and have zero management skills.  I was laid off due to the pandemic, and the handling of that was dealt with very badly.  There was no warning, and I received the phone call when I was in my car running errands for said company.  Missouri is an “at will” state meaning an employer can terminate an employee “at will” for no reason and with no remuneration package, so of course, they did.  It took me 2 weeks to allow the fury to die down, but now I’m just thankful that I don’t have to deal with the colossal idiocy of those running the “business”.  I do miss my clients and am still in contact with some of them, but for the most part, I’d like to forget about those 11 years of my life and move forward with something positive.

So, how do I do that?  Having been on unemployment for nearly a year and applying for jobs at all opportunities, I’m not sure where I fit in.  If you are a nurse or have a medical background, there are literally hundreds of positions available.  I have no medical background and am not a nurturing soul.  Most admin positions require a good chunk of accounting or bookkeeping.  To say I’m hopeless with numbers is the understatement of the century.  If it involves counting more than the amount of fingers I have, I’m lost.  Restaurant/food service positions: well, I have a story about my attempt to “serve”.  I lasted a week, dropped and broke more stuff than I delivered and at the end of the week I owed more than I made.  So, that’s not a good option.

What CAN I do?  Good question! I’m not sure what I’d call myself.  I know I do NOT want to work with people and would love to work from home where everyone can just leave me alone and let me do my thing.  I love to write, and I think I’m fairly mediocre at it.  Data capturing is boring, but I can do it. Call center work – no!  It means dealing with people.  I used to be a people person, but people ruined it for me.  I’m not lazy and I work hard and deliver results.  I’m in my 50’s and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  I get seriously anxious about interviewing and having to “sell myself” and have no self-esteem to promote.

I am so envious of people who find their niche and love what they do.  Greg was lucky enough to revamp his career in his 40’s and did a 180-degree turnaround from what he was doing.  He loves it and is great at what he does and very happy running his own business.  I want that too, but as what?  If people ask me what I’m good at, I have nothing to answer them with.

It takes its toll on you when you’ve applied for hundreds of positions and get nothing.  I get an update every week confirming the jobs I’ve applied for and also how many other people applied for the same job.  It’s in the 100’s!  There are very few positions I’ve applied for where less than 50 people applied for the same one.  How do I compete with that?

I’m not at the bottom of the barrel yet, but I’m seriously despondent about jobs.


On March 26th, Greg and I got our first Covid/Anti-Covid vaccination. Both of us fared very well, with Greg having a sore arm for a couple of days and me being hit by fatigue 24 hours after the vaccination. We both bounced back well, and, on April 23rd we received the 2nd dose. We were both excited to get it and we feel a sense of relief about it. In 2 more days we will be considered “full vaccinated” after allowing the vaccination to vamp up our immunity. We both had a few side effects from the 2nd shot. Both had a sore arm, intense fatigue, aches, elevated temperature, but nothing serious, and they disappeared after a couple of days.

The brain is a funny thing. I’m constantly arguing with myself about a lot of topics. Greg is away most of the days at work and I’m alone in the house, surrounded by 3 sleepy cats who get annoyed when I prod them awake for a conversation. To avoid this annoyance, I talk to myself.

One question I go back and forth with is “is it a Covid vaccination or an Anti-Covid vaccination?” Surely it’s an Anti-Covid vaccination? The word “anti” refers to against, so if I don’t want a disease, surely I want an ANTI something? Then again, the word vaccination refers to protection and I want to be protected AGAINST something. This makes my head hurt, but these are the things I ponder! Here is a good source that can help to explain it better than I can – although the brain arguing continues!

There seems to be so many pros and cons to getting the Covid (anti-Covid) vaccination. Some seem realistic to me and others are just plain ridiculous and full of human fear. NO, you will not turn into a robot, Bill Gates isn’t going to control you, you are not being microchipped, your DNA is not being altered, you will not be infertile and so many other weird hypotheses. Where do these ideas come from? I’m sorry to say but some of them come from people who are uneducated about vaccines and science, and misunderstand information given and put their own fears and ideas into their explanations to others. Some even come from ministers who turn it into an incorrect religious theory with the aim to control their flock. I suspect they are uncomfortable with the idea, so they project their fears onto a greater spectrum of folk who trust them. How sad!

Humankind have been through this many times over the decades. How do you think the flu vaccination (or is it the anti-flu vaccination) was invented? Or how was smallpox eradicated? Or cholera, or polio, or tetanus, or diphtheria, or measles, or mumps, or German measles and so many more. We all line up to get those vaccinations without any quibbling and they all follow the same testing procedures before being made available to the public. In fact, a couple of years ago, I was bitten by a dog and went to the Urgent Care for treatment. The paramedic said to me “we’re just going to give you a tetanus shot, ok?” I said “sure” and whammo, I had it. I didn’t question it, I didn’t ask what was in it, I was just thankful for the protection.

Yes, we are right to question what ingredients are in a vaccine, but when it comes to a pandemic where millions (MILLIONS) of people have died from it, then I feel that you just need to suck it up and take one for the greater good of mankind. How dare you refuse to take something proven to protect you and stop you from passing it on to someone else. Who do you think you are? I believe your arrogance and selfishness is totally motivated by fear and the mistaken ability to listen to others before doing your own research from reputable sources. Don’t get me started on people who refuse to wear masks! It’s over a year later and we are still in the pandemic. Wear the mask, wash your hands, socially distance from each other and please, get the vaccine!