* * *

The long hours alone in the data-center are really getting to me. I feel that I just can't go on like this indefinitely. With the almost too predictable yet silent passing of the latest deadline, I felt the need to put my foot down and refuse to let another line in sand be crossed unacknowledged.

I can't find the paperwork right now but I think it's here somewhere. Without it I can't be sure of the date. but I believe that it was March of 1994 when I was first officially informed that the elimination of my job was imminent.

It was in that meeting that I was presented with the first carrot on a stick. I have gone the length of the stick at least six-fold and like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that carrot is no closer now than when I began my quest.

The carrot? A month or two Sabbatical to rest up and prepare to begin anew. Stick it out to the end and get a severance package providing continued income to allow me the time to recover.

In an attempt to come to terms with my present predicament, I have sought help through the "Worker Wellness" program at work. My first session with a counselor is Monday and I am looking forward to it.

I still believe myself to be sane, though burned-out, stressed-out, and just plain fed-up. After this week however, there are some who may consider my state of mind to be of questionable stability.

Although it is regrettable that it had to come to this point, I got my boss on the phone and let him know in no uncertain terms that I had enough of being jerked around.

With my entire life on hold for over three years; during which time I was never looking at more than six months until termination; I worked in earnest to keep up my end of the deal.

Issues that would be addressed in an environment of continuing employment are neglected because "it's only going to be a couple more months anyway." This excuse is no longer acceptable. Now I am being strung along on a month to month basis. While the company line is "you've always got the option to leave."

I don't want to go into a point for point account of the events which occurred over the course of this past week, but it was not pleasant and I'm not particularly proud of some of the things I've said, but I got what I've been asking for for over a year ... a new operator began training for the night- shift last Wednesday.

On a more optimistic note, the story of my struggle just may be my first book. I've got a good beginning and a long and arduous journey with plenty of twists and turns. Now all I need is a good ending and a catchy title.

I sure hope that it ends with Bubba getting sacked, but life doesn't always have a happy ending. And that's the best part of writing a book -- I can end it any way I choose.

Next week I am going to a family reunion in Upper Michigan (the U.P.) so my column will be late. And the topic of course will be my thoughts on the trip.

Until then I'll just keep chasing the rainbow.